It seems like a long time ago now that I wrote about depression and how it had touched our lives. At the time I wrote about how much better Charles was doing and how he seemed to be returning to himself. I can see now that those thoughts were like those first few weeks when you start to shake off a serious sickness. You think you're better. You tell people you're better. And somewhere weeks later when you're actually better you realise that in those first few weeks when you thought you were better it was simply that you were a little bit better and you'd forgotten what truly healthy felt like.
That's how I feel now about Charles' depression. I was so happy with the progress he'd made last November. I thought he was better. But it was only the start. In all that time I'd forgotten what sort of couple we used to be. I'd forgotten what it's like to have a partner that does their share without asking. What it's like to be married to a man who cuddles you spontaneously all the time and can't keep his hands off you. I'd forgotten what it's like to be crazy in love.
We talked recently about how things are going, whether there's anything we want to work on*. Charles mentioned that he really likes me to wear lipstick and nail polish - something I haven't had time for in years. It's such a small thing and now that he's back on board I've got time for optional extras. So I let him choose the colour and I painted my nails a vibrant red. It felt amazing...it tasted like victory. We're back.
In the past week heaps of people commented on how I was looking. Wow you look different, I love that colour on you, have you done something to your hair? It might simply be lipstick and nail polish or it might be that I'm falling in love all over again.
* We call these "status updates" and they're designed to address even the tiniest of things.
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