1.) Food shortages; The first thing people should be warned about when it comes to Sunday shopping is the fact that the shelves will be about 80% empty of everything you actually want to buy. I don’t know whether this is because the transport companies don’t deliver on weekends or because the shops are far too cheap to employ people to restock for weekend wage rates. Regardless of the reason you will be unable to buy simple things like apples, onions or tomatoes but you will absolutely be able to buy all the weird Asian stuff that you’re unsure whether you’re supposed to eat raw or cook*.
2.) Trolley shortages; Similar to the food situation, you’ll also find that there’s a shortage of trolleys. Unless you salvage one from the car park where they’re lounging around like wagging teenagers, you’ll find that there are a grand total of three trolleys left at the entrance to the store. One will be full of rubbish, one will look like a Humvee backed over it and the final one will be being eyed off by at least three other people – one a very bogan man with tatts, singlet and thongs – one a mother with two whinging kids attached and the third a very arthritic octogenarian. Do not ask me why but some weird law of physics, fate or similar means the octogenarian will get it.
3.) Eleventy million other people – 90% of them apparently mental; Everyone shops on Sunday. Even the unemployed, stay-at-home mums and retirees who could do it on a weekday when the aisles are empty**. No clue why – it’s just the thing to do. This is not a problem in and of itself. The issue is that a vast majority of them seem to be completely oblivious to the fact that they’re sharing the aisles with anyone else. DOCS should forget about home visits – just sit quietly in Coles and wait for the abuse to start. Hellooooo – everyone here is witnessing you screaming your head off at your kids and whacking them round the head. Then there are the ones who walk slower than fresh-milked Jersey cows heading back to pasture – usually taking up most of the available space so you can’t skirt them. They’re the very same people that stop in the middle of an aisle, blocking the whole way in both directions, while they contemplate whether they want their pasta shaped like spirals or shells.
The irony of these types of people is that if you dare to say anything like “excuse me can I just squeeze past” or “do you mind if I just grab a jar of tomato paste” they will glare at you as though you said, “I’ll just grab your first-born child, your credit card and your car keys if you don’t mind” while rummaging through their handbag. Chivalry is dead. It was offed in a mass murder along with courtesy, common decency and the words, “please”, “thank you” and “sorry”.
4.) Stupid, stupid mistakes; Now that my diet is back on track I thought it would be a good time to buy some multi-vitamins. I spent seven minutes staring at the wall of various supplements trying to figure out the best (cheapest) one. Eventually I lobbed a bulk pack into the trolley. $19.64 later and Charles was thanking me for the Multivitamin FOR MEN that I had somehow bought. Idiot.
5.) Forgetting things; There’s only one thing worse than remembering something else you were meant to get while you’re queuing up and that’s remembering it when you get home and your spouse says “did you remember to buy my Nuttelex?” Idiot.
6.) Stupid store policies; I’m a Coles girl. And there are two things about Coles that bug the hell out of me. The first is their “no liquor” lines. I don’t drink. But I do put wine in my food when I’m cooking it and so I occasionally need a bottle of shiraz shiraz
While we’re on the subject of stupid store policies, why do I have to buy five of something to qualify for a discount? You used to get weekly specials – items individually discounted – this week $1.54 next week on sale for $1.36. Now you get $1.54 each or four for $4. Why? I like the occasional Tim Tam but I don’t need four packets. Perhaps you’re unaware of the obesity crisis? The food wastage issue? Helloooo? Is anyone out there?
7.) Checkouts; I would be a huge fan of self-checkout if it weren’t for the fact that they’ve tried to make them “Smart”. The idea behind weighing the bag as each item is added is probably to prevent theft. I personally believe thieves will simply pocket anything they’re stealing or simply find a way to hide it in the trolley as they go. So this ridiculous method of keeping tabs on customers is simply an annoying delay and a waste of time.
Should you choose a person-attended checkout option you will unfortunately face a host of other issues beginning with people’s unwillingness to put the divider behind their shopping to distinguish their purchases from yours***, progressing with checkout operators that move slower than glaciers and ending with people who have no idea that their credit card is already maxed out necessitating plastic roulette before you get your turn.
Sunday shopping. Love it.
* Buying it anyway and Googling probably won’t help you because no doubt in their efforts to assimilate your weird Asian food of choice into the Western diet the supermarkets have renamed it to make it seem less weird and less Asian and therefore there’s less information about it on the Internet. Jackfruit or star fruit anyone?
** And almost certainly fully stocked.
*** This annoys me so much that I have considered carrying those $30 razor blades for men in my trolley and quietly slipping it amongst their items when they’re not looking so they will learn to USE THE BLOODY DIVIDER.
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