She wears a flower in her hair...

More on the best sorts of Christmas presents later but today I want to share some insights into my little Viking.  It's no secret that I struggle with my self-esteem and the concept of beauty.  It's been an interesting journey with some key moments since my tiny daughter was born.  It culminated fairly recently when I asked one of my best friends whether I really looked like the sort of person who was into clothes and stuff and he said yes, actually, you do.  It felt like I'd won a prize.  Really?  Huh.  I wasn't sure whether I'd succeeded in fooling the rest of the world or just myself.

Dressing well and looking good is not something that's ever come naturally for me.  As a part of my ongoing efforts to not be such a screaming tom boy, at the end of last year I challenged myself to a year of going to work in skirts and dresses instead of slacks and jeans (I did give myself a few casual Fridays in jeans but I compensated with pretty tops and shoes).  It was no easy thing, especially since I only really owned two dresses and a skirt at the start.  It involved a lot of op shop pillaging before I had a good wardrobe to work with that didn't leave people wondering if my washing machine was on the fritz.  Didn't I see you wearing that two days ago?  Yes, it's been washed, shut up.

The thing that surprised me most about that experiment was the response of my little Viking.  He loves his Mummy to be pretty.  He loves watching me clip my stockings to my garter belt in the mornings, loves choosing which dress I'll wear and strokes me possessively at day care when the other children come up to me, informing them quite darkly "she's MY pretty Mummy."  Having a mum who looks "pretty" seems to rank quite highly on the list of priorities.  I had no idea just how high though until Christmas.

Come Christmas at his grandparents' and he shoved a small parcel into my hand, bouncing around with glee. My mother-in-law was quick to point out very solemnly that he had insisted on this gift for me, chosen it himself and was super excited to be giving it to me.  He hopped from one foot to the other and literally skipped a lap of the coffee table while I opened it to reveal...

Three flowers on clips for my hair.  One of the things I learned in Charm School was the value of adding a simple flower to your hair every day.  I do this just for fun when I'm in the mood but honestly, while I've nailed the clothes and makeup aspect of being pretty (I refuse to say "girly"), hair is something that still eludes me.  Most days it just goes up in a ponytail and that's the limit of the attention it gets.  The flower is my cheat's way of pretending I made an effort.

My small son was practically vibrating with glee when I finally opened this gift.  I immediately clipped the black rose into my hair and when I had a quiet moment I asked him about them.

"Do you like it when Mummy wears a flower in her hair, do you?"
He nodded solemnly.
"Yes Mummy, I like it when you wear pretty skirts and pretty dresses and your pretty stockings...and Mummy I like it when you wear pretty flowers in your hair but you don't do it very often."
"Do I need to do it more often, do I?"
"Yes Mummy.  You should wear pretty flowers in your hair all the time because you're so pretty."

No arguing with the three-year-old Viking logic.  So I have faithfully clipped a flower into my hair every morning since.  But I wasn't aware of just how closely the small boy was watching and monitoring the hair flowers until I debuted the frangipani for a barbecue some five days after I first opened his present.

"Mummy I'm really glad you're wearing your yellow flower, but what about the red one?"
"I haven't worn that one yet, have I Buddy?"
"No," he frowned, his brow knitting and his bottom lip going out.
"Well I might have to wear that one tomorrow.  What do you think?"
"I think that's a very good idea."

And when it finally made it into my hair he climbed into my lap, snuggled in and kissed me.
"Mummy, you're wearing the red one!"
"Yes darling, I am."
"Thank you Mummy!  I'm so PROUD of you."
It's such a small thing but clearly to a small boy it's majorly important.  Maybe this year my challenge will not be clothes - it will be to do my hair every day and make sure I'm wearing a flower.