About a year ago my husband and I started swing dancing - an effortlessly graceful style of dancing that looks like it should take a lifetime to learn. At the end of the six week beginner course, we discovered that actually, it doesn't take much to learn and even the most uncoordinated of individuals (*ahem* CHARLES) can learn how to do it....yes in only six weeks.
Since we started learning I've been dying to get back into it and I managed to talk my brother-in-law Scotty into coming along. Swing dancing for women is dead easy. Move your feet to the beat and do what your partner says. Go where he pushes or pulls you, limit your demonstration of skill to the moments when you're not under his control and JUST DO WHAT HE WANTS YOU TO DO. It's not a hard concept. The blokes on the other hand have not only got to come up with the moves, they've got to make sure they give you enough cues that you can follow them. The fact remains that if you're female and you can disconnect the part of your brain that likes to be fiercely independent you will look effortlessly graceful in the hands of a man who knows what he's doing and best of all, it WILL BE effortless.
This time, having been before, I was able to observe and pay attention to my partners more than I did the first time when I was concentrating on getting the rhythm right. Here's what I noticed;
1.) People have lost the art of social grace. It seems normal to me to introduce yourself to your new partner when you swap and then to thank them when you move on to the next partner. Most of the guys there stared at me like I was from another planet or as though I'd just asked them if it was all right for me to have their children. Social grace people, that's how it's done. Polite, friendly, courteous.
2.) It sounds horribly racist but most Australian men are not comfortable putting their hands on a woman they just met - certainly not on the body and not with anything approaching actual pressure. Latin, Asian and Middle Eastern men are all for it. My favourite partner was a beautiful Latin man called Eduardo who was warm and friendly (SOCIAL GRACE PEOPLE) when I switched to him and then he dropped his voice and said, "Let's dance." Before I knew what was happening his hand was not just in the small of my back but on my opposite hip, and he had me pressed firmly to his side. It was easy to move in tandem when I was hip-to-hip with the fast-moving Eduardo...it's so much harder when the guy is holding you as lightly as he can and wearing his carefully crafted "please don't sue me for sexual harassment" blank face. It's dancing, contact is necessary. I'm here to dance. So relax.
3.) No one gives compliments any more. At least, not to men. Consequently they have no idea what to do with one. I danced with one man who was horribly nervous, cripplingly so. So as we waited for the cue I decided a compliment to boost his confidence was in order* - I told him I could tell he was going to be a great dancer. He froze and stared at me.
"How can you know that?" he swallowed.
"Because your body is moving to the beat before we even start moving," I said as we started to dance, "Some people find that really hard to do and you're already doing it. You're going to be really good at this."
And he really was. Except that he was looking at me like he wanted to propose marriage. And his wife three partners down was glaring at him and his obvious interest in a woman who wasn't her.
* For the record I do not believe in giving fake compliments - if you want to pay someone a compliment, make it an honest one.
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