Today when my neighbour asked me why I do all the heavy stuff around the place myself instead of hiring someone else to do it I almost shrugged and told him I’m fresh off the farm. Except that I realised that after 15 years I’m not “fresh” off a farm anymore. Huh.
Today’s totally crap garden job is pollarding the massive elm out the front. Pollarding is a practice where you cut the whole tree back to its main parts in winter. It keeps a big tree to a manageable size and is a technique used with fruit trees so the fruit stays within reach. Unfortunately when you’re done your tree looks like this;
And when the spring growth comes in it still looks douchey;
It’s kind of like a guy who’s bald on top growing long dreadies. No balance. So when I "pollard" our elm I don't take everything - just the branches that are as thick as my wrist. Leaves it looking a little bit more normal than the examples above.
Given how many of these trees there are it seems obvious that about twenty or thirty years ago the people of Canberra thought elm trees were the bomb. An excellent fast-growing choice, they’re cool and shady in summer, bare in winter. Unfortunately if they’re left unchecked they can become enormous and, being quite leafy and top heavy, they’re prone to coming crashing down in windstorms obliterating whatever’s in their path. Luckily ours has been kept in check reasonably well and all I have to do is maintain it. Still, it’s big and there was a huge amount of large branches due to come out this winter.
I learned how to prune really big trees in the SES with a chainsaw. This time there was no chainsaw and no crew to yank on a rope and pull the branches away from me as I cut them, but there are still some really good techniques you can use when pruning really big trees that will make it a peaceful, uneventful sort of meditation instead of an adventure fraught with unexpected eventualities culminating in a sheepish wait in triage for a doctor to come treat your concussion/remove your handsaw from your buttocks/stop the bleeding/reinstate your eye.
First up is prep;
1. Make sure your ladder isn’t going anywhere.
2. Make sure your ladder is not directly under the branch you’re about to cut.
3. If you’re actually in the tree while cutting, plant your feet firmly and lower your centre of gravity by squatting a bit. If you can, lean back against a sturdy part of the tree. The big thing is don’t ever rely solely on your arms for balance because you may need both of them suddenly if your branch jack-knifes or twists. Also make absolutely certain that wherever you’re putting your feet is strong enough to take your weight. Bounce on it to check if you’re not sure. Firm footing is crucial.
4. Before you cut anything big, use your secateurs to remove the smaller twiggy bits. Don’t bend them out of the way because Murphy’s Law says those little bastards will flick back into place, usually blinding you, just at a crucial moment when you most need your sight/balance.
5. Don’t keep anything sharp in your pockets. Secateurs, hand saws – leave them on the ground or hang them from a branch. If you fall, you really don’t want to land on them.
6. While we’re on the subject of what to do with saws and secateurs, I like to put a long length of cord through the hole in the ends of mine and hang them off the tree, even while I’m using them. This serves two purposes. One, if you drop them you won’t have to climb down to get them again. Two, if you need to drop them in a hurry and jump clear, you’re not going to land on them or have them land on you.
Now on to the nitty gritty, the actual cutting. Even though my branches were quite thick, the elm is a soft wood and being green it’s not hard to get through it with a hand saw. Plus, I’m just not chainsaw-enabled at the moment*. But whether you’re using a hand saw or a chain saw, the principles are the same for safe removal of branches.
7. Use a rope with a hook on the end. Just chuck it up and over the branch, hook it to the rope and there you go, instant leverage. Invaluable.
8. If you have someone to help you, get them to man the hook and rope. Even if you know for certain a branch won’t be able to fall on you it’s still useful to have someone tugging it in the right direction as it comes down.
9. This is a big one – where to cut. Ideally you want to cut so the branch will fall away from you (duh, right?) but there are some things you can do to help stop it from twisting the wrong way and, if you need it to move as it falls this technique will help you control where it goes, even if it’s massive. The final benefit is that when you’re cutting a branch that overhangs your house, entertainment area, whatevs, this technique means it will come down slowly, by degrees until its weight is resting on whatever’s underneath it. No broken roof tiles, no shattered glass patio table and no need to soothe your furious husband.
So, here it is. Cut from the top down and cut reasonably slowly. The weight of the branch and our good friend gravity mean it will slowly fall in whichever direction the most weight is. You will be amazed at how little effort you need to push even massive branches in the right direction when they start to fall like this – since the weight is still largely born by the tree, you can move it sideways just by pushing and you can also pull it straight down with your hook and rope. The disadvantage to this method is that invariably the weight of the branch will eventually cause it to split but that’s okay – just tidy it up with your saw. For my visually minded readers; green is good - red is bad.
10. Finally – not all branches are straightforward. My elm is a classic example of branches that go straight up, twisting on the way and it makes it difficult to predict in which direction a branch might come down. If you don’t have someone with you to pull it away from you, you’re better off leaving it alone until you do. If you are spectacularly overconfident, foolhardy and generally just a bit dumb like me** and you’re going to cut those suckers anyways, make sure you have a pretty quick exit strategy from wherever you are in the tree and when it goes pear shaped for the love of God drop the freakin’ saw and bail out safely.
Disclaimers: I am not a professional tree surgeon and I do not have a formal qualification in this area. I learned what I know through training in the SES and practice. These are basic tips. If you want to know more, find a tree surgeon course and if you do go it alone and you wind up in triage, you're on your own.
P.S Attention birthday fairies; I would love a chainsaw for my birthday. Even just a douchey*** little one.
* Apparently this brings comfort to people who know me. Huh.
** I solidly blame my father for this one. I’ve seen that man up a ladder perched on the tray of his truck with a chainsaw in a windstorm. I’ve also seen the end result when a branch he was cutting twisted and his chainsaw went into his knee. You'd think I'd have shaken my head in disgust over his antics enough times to actually learn something. Apparently not. I personally think I've inherited some sort of foolhardy gene that goes, "sure it might be a massive branch and okay, you're balancing precariously four metres off the ground but how much damage can you really do with an $8.50 handsaw? Trips to triage are for people with chainsaws." Thanks Dad.
*** I never, ever use the word douchey but for some reason it has tickled my fancy today.
